Thursday, January 21, 2010

My name is Todd. I'm 44 years old. I live in N.Y., about 45 minutes north of the city. I've lived in many places and I don't consider anyplace home. I work in a hospital taking care of cardiac patients. I attempt to provide them the comfort, compassion, and healing that I have denied myself. There's a common belief that some people are drawn to medicine to fix something that is broken within themselves. I am.

I'm also a musician. I've played with the same group of guys for over 2 decades. Our connection is nearly telepathic. To get 4 guys from 4 differnt backgrounds honed in on the same notes, same rhythms, same emotional state is something far too powerful for words. There are nights that we are so locked in that they border on the surreal. I've played in front of 5 people and 5,000. Because of the band I have been to Europe. We played France, Germany, Belgium, the Netherlands, and the U.K. in a 2 week span. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. They live in Philadelphia and because of that I have travelled roundtrip to Philly nearly every Saturday for the past 10 years. I've driven the 330 miles so often that the hours in the car seem like nothing. I sometimes think that I know every curve and crevice of every mile of the Garden State Parkway and the N.J. Turnpike. The drive home is the most peaceful part of my week. I'm usually in the car after midnight and I pass the hours, and soothe the ringing in my ears, by listening to the Coast To Coast radio show with Art Bell. I listen to conspiracy theories, ghost stories, theories about UFO's, and serial killers. It's a great way to spend a Saturday night.

I'm a writer as well. I am writing a book of prose called "Pulling Scars From The Night Time Sky". It is about a boy that disappears and hopes to return. It is about falling apart in real time. It is about mental illness, substance abuse, and homelessness. I hope that it is, in the end, a story of absolution.

I have used the word "I" approximately --- times in the last 3 paragraphs. The knives will always turn inward because it's all that I know. I spend my nights at home alone. I spend countless hours driving through the night alone. I run countless miles alone. And this is why I run.

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