(CL) THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A FANTASTIC RUN. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. IT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WHAT IT WAS, AND THAT IS A LESSON IN FAILURE. WORK IS NOT GOING WELL AND I'M TEETERING ON THE BRINK OF GETTING FIRED. NOT BECAUSE OF DOWNSIZING OR LOW NUMBERS, BUT BECAUSE I STEADFASTLY REFUSE TO STOP BEING WHAT I AM. DIRECT, HONEST, AND SOMETIMES ABRASIVE. NONE OF THAT MATTERS. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT I SPENT THE ENTIRE 8.09 MILES AND 93 MINUTES AND 17 SECONDS THINKING ABOUT WORK. THINKING ABOUT WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY, WHAT I CAN DO TO NOT BE DISLIKED AS MUCH AS I SEEM TO BE BY MY COWORKERS. WHAT ANGERED ME, AND WHAT SPOILED THIS MOMENT, WAS THE LACK OF MENTAL DISCIPLINE AND MENTAL TENACITY REQUIRED TO JUST RUN, TO FOCUS ON BREATHING AND FOOTSTEPS AND THE COOLNESS OF THE AIR AGAINST MY SKIN. THE NEGATIVITY FED UPON ITSELF AND SOON I WONDERED IF I WOULD HAVE THE MENTAL TOUGHNESS TO GUT IT OUT WHEN THE MILES GOT LONG AND THE PHYSICAL CAPACITY GREW WEAK. I CAN LOOK AT THIS AS A DAY WASTED OR AS A "TEACHABLE MOMENT", ONE THAT SHOWED ME THAT WHATEVER IS GOING ON IN MY NIGHTMARE FACTORY OF A HEAD I STILL PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER AND COMPLETE MY MISSION.
BEAR CREEK 10/30/2010
(CL) VISITING MY PARENTS SO I RAN BEAR CREEK AGAIN TODAY. THE LAST TIME I RAN THERE I WENT A MILE AND A HALF UP AND TURNED AROUND. THIS TIME I DID THE FULL 5 MILE LOOP AND SOMEHOW ADDED ON AN EXTRA HALF MILE. THE FIRST THREE MILES ARE A SERIES OF SWITCHBACKS THAT CLIMB AND WIND THROUGH SOME PRETTY PUNISHING TERRAIN. A COMBINATION OF THICK WET LEAVES AND HUGE SECTIONS OF VERY ROCKY AND ROOTY TRAIL. I WOULD SAY THERE AREN'T MORE THAN A HUNDRED YARDS OF SMOOTH, FLAT TRAIL IN THE FIRST THREE MILES. THE LAST TWO MILES MAKE THE TREACHEROUS CLIMB COMPLETELY WORTH IT. THE DOWNHILL SECTIONS ARE FAIRLY SMOOTH SINGLETRACK WITH A FEW GNARLY ROCK GARDEN SECTIONS. THE LAST HALF MILE GETS IT'S REVENGE ON YOU FOR ENJOYING THE DOWNHILL WITH AN ENDLESS LENGTH OF ROLLING AND SLICK ROCK. AWESOME.
ENOUGH ABOUT THE LOGISTICS...
It's amazing to contrast this run with yesterdays. yesterday was draining and at the time seemed pointless. I completely lacked the mental discipline to block out my trouble at work and just enjoy the fact that I got to spend an hour and a half in the woods. I kept trying to hit the reset button, the way a the best goalies or pitchers can reset after letting up an easy goal or a home run. I spent the entire 8 miles drafting apologies and rolling through every ridiculous detail of my most recent disciplinary problems on the job. Every step felt like a pain in the ass and there was no sense of accomplishment or endorphin rush that I usually feel when I hit the parking lot.
Todays run was far more technical, steep, and one of the most punishing runs I've ever been on but it felt remarkable. The endorphin rush I felt was like smoking Meth and it was the first time that I really felt like my training was paying off. I don't know if it was because I had to concentrate so hard to keep from killing myself or what but I ran with a clear mind. My hill climbing abilities seem to have improved a great deal and I'm satisfied with my effort but it was really what was going on inside my head, and not my legs and lungs, that made the difference. It would be easy to say that it was the distraction of a new trail but I feel like it was something else. Yesterday I let the Nightmare Factory into the woods with me. I was running against every bad thought I could manufacture and there was no flow, not even on some of the lengthy downhills. Enough for today.
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
CHECK OUT THE VIEW BEHIND ME. I RAN UP...AND THEN I RAN DOWN.
I TOOK THE WHITE TO YELOW TRAIL. 5.5 MILES.
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